


Written in the Stars

by ink_stained_moon



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Depression, F/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, PTSD, PTSD tw, and on top of everything has the issues he does because of it, but enough to potentially be triggering, depression tw, not too graphic, teen for later detailed mentions of violence, this Jim was at Tarsus IV
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-10-26 12:23:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20742152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ink_stained_moon/pseuds/ink_stained_moon
Summary: James Tiberius Kirk and Samarah Angelus McCoy, emotionally broken and bruised, find refuge in Star Fleet. A young man and woman who have been through their own hell, finding each other. She is his light in the darkness, he is her anchor. How will things change for them, now that they've found each other? From the events of Star Trek 2009 through past Star Trek Beyond





	1. All the Stars are Right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and Samarah meet. Is this the start of a lifelong friendship?

Samarah and Jim meet in the academy.

If the half-angel girl didn’t know better, she’d almost say that was the start of a joke.

She’d heard of Jim Kirk, he was known by many of the women at the academy. Tall, handsome, gorgeous eyes, and a penchant for playing the field in terms of romance. To see him in the ‘basics of command’ class was no surprise; everyone knew he was there to eventually become a Captain. What did surprise her, though, was how he was acting. Even without the heightened empathy of her father’s kind, she’d be able to tell something was wrong. He just seemed…sad.

Making up her mind, Samarah squared her shoulders and marched her tiny frame over to the seat next to him.

“Anyone sitting here?” she asked, just in case he was expecting someone. The look of surprise on his face softened her smile.

“No…go ahead,” he replied, sitting up as she took her seat “look, I’ll be blunt here; I might not be the best to sit next to today.”

“That’s okay,” Samarah declared, shrugging as her smile never left her face “we don’t have to talk or anything. I just saw you looking down in the dumps and thought you shouldn’t be sitting by yourself.”

~

Down in the dumps? Now that was an old-fashioned phrase. Jim had been having a hard morning dealing with his depression, and trying not to think about the root of it, when he’d come to class. Had his mood really been that easy to see?

The fact that she’d decided to sit next to him, so he wouldn’t be alone, was a surprise. It was sweet, especially when she insisted they didn’t have to talk.

“My name’s Jim,” he figured it would be polite to introduce himself, at least “Jim Kirk.”

“Samarah McCoy,” she replied, smiling as she held her hand out for him to shake “nice to meet you, Jim.”

“McCoy, huh?” he quirked an eyebrow at that “any relation to a Leonard McCoy?”

Samarah laughed at that, shaking her head at his confused expression as they shook hands.

“No, I’m not related to the good doctor,” she replied “sorry, you’re just not the first to ask. I’m on track to join the medical division, so we have a lot of the same classes together. It’s caused our teachers quite a few headaches.”

Jim couldn’t help smiling and laughing at that, remembering his roommate’s grumbling.

“Ah, so you’re that Sammy,” he mused, still chuckling “Leonard’s my roommate. He did a fair share of grumbling about you at first, but he’s mostly impressed.”

“Most men tend to be. Medicine is still a bit of a boy’s club, even psychology.”

“Is that what you’re studying? If you’re here, then you must be looking to become a ship’s chief counselor.”

“Give the man a prize,” Samarah gently teased, violet eyes flashing with humor as she watched his bright blue one’s crinkle with laughter “practically the entire academy knows why you’re here.”

“Yeah, word tends to travel fast when you’re associated with a captain like Pike,” Jim sighed “managed to convince me.”

“Yeah, when Cap told me he’d convinced another pale blond rebel without a cause to join,” she smirked “I honestly can’t say I expected you.”

Jim looked up at that, confused, before Samarah gave him a wink, just as class started.

Had Pike helped her join, too?

Once class was over, Jim quickly made up his mind that Samarah was someone he definitely wanted to get to know.

Gathering his things, he quickly followed Samarah outside, looking for the tiny head of silver-blonde hair under the familiar uniform cover.

“Hey, McCoy!” he called out, grinning when she turned around. He started running towards her, when he heard another voice.

“You following me or something, Jim?” his one and only roommate, grumpy as always, had been heading in the same direction.

“Not you, Bones,” Jim teased, smiling sa both men caught up to Samarah “the pretty McCoy.”

“Yeah?” Samarah quipped, eyes twinkling with mirth “the pretty one? You’re talking to him.”

At that, Jim couldn’t help laughing. What was it about Samarah? They’d only known each other less than three hours, and he’d already laughed to the point his cheeks were hurting.

Seeing how cheerful his roommate was, compared to that morning, kept Bones from protesting. He knew Samarah to be cheerful, she had that effect on everyone, so to see it helping his friend eased his mind.

“You know you can call me Samarah, right?” she asked Jim, eyebrow quirking up as she looked up at him.

“Yeah, but figured it’d get your attention quicker,” he replied, smile never leaving his face “you guys going to your next class? Mind if I walk with you?”

She turned to Bones, who gave a shrug as he sighed, before nodding an affirmative to Jim. He happily took his place at her other side as the three of them got underway.

“So what made you want to join Starfleet?” Jim asked after a moment.

“Honestly? I have a bit of a wanderer’s soul,” Samarah answered “I want to explore. I also know the effect that being in space for an extended period of time has on people, so I wanted to put my skills to use helping people.”

“Doesn’t hurt that you were exposed to it from a young age,” Bones added, looking over to Jim “she doesn’t like to flaunt it, but her Uncle Gabriel is a former Chief Tactical Officer. He’s still active duty, and teaches here now.”

“Tiny guy, golden brown hair, eyes like a hawk?” the blond man asked, eyes widening at Samarah’s confirmation “damn, I have a class with him. He’s gotta be one of the best the fleet ever had!”

“The confinement of a starship got to him, though, so he came back to earth to teach,” she shrugged “but Leonard’s right; the early exposure kind of sealed the deal for me. That, and what that side of my family gave me in terms of skill.”

Jim had been just about to ask what she meant when she seemed to spot someone in the distance.

“Oh, there’s Nyota,” Samarah declared “you guys keep going, I need to ask her something. See you guys in a sec!”

When she ran off, Jim turned to Bones, keen on answers. The doctor could see it and quirked an eyebrow,

“Don’t tell me you didn’t notice?” he questioned, smirking a bit at Jim’s confusion “didn’t you see her uniform?”

Jim turned and looked for Samarah in the crowd. He spotted her, back to him, and saw her uniform wasn’t exactly typical for a female cadet; she was wearing pants instead of a skirt, for starters, and the back of her jacket looked like it had flaps sewn into it, flanking her spine almost as if to let something out from underneath.

When he turned back to Bones, confusion even more prominent, the other man caved and explained.

“Accommodations for her kind,” he told Jim “the jacket so her wings can come out easily, and she can’t really fly in a skirt.”

“She can fly?”

“Her uncle, dad, everyone on that side of her family can. She’s half-angel, Jim. Dad and all them are from the planet Eden, but her mom’s human.”

Now that explained everything; how she could tell he was feeling sad, her almost ethereal looks, all of it.

“That explains it.” Jim muttered.

“Explains what?” Came Samarah’s sudden question, causing both men to jump and earn a giggle from her.

“Just told Jim ‘bout your dad’s side of the family.” Bones explained while Jim muttered about her ‘friggin ninja skills’.

“Well, was bound to happen sooner or later,” she quipped as they made it to the steps of the medical wing “people like me aren’t exactly a dime a dozen in the galaxy, let alone here at the academy.”

“You guys wanna meet for dinner?” Jim asked, stopping on the bottom step as Samarah and Bones kept going.

“Sure thing!” she agreed “meet here before heading to the dining hall?”

“Absolutely,” he nodded, smile growing “see you guys in a few hours!”

As the two medical cadets made their way into the building, Jim made his own way to his last class of the day, excited for the meal to come.

Samarah McCoy was an interesting woman, one he could absolutely see himself becoming friends with.

He couldn’t wait to get started.


	2. We're Stars and We're Beautiful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and Samarah get to know each other more. Could Jim be feeling something more for her? Or will he not want to jeopardize a new, true friendship?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eagle-eyed readers will notice I'm borrowing from the dothraki in game of thrones for angelic culture. There's a whole backstory behind it, but long story short is that Samarah is supposed to greatly resemble Dany from GoT.

“You know our teachers are going to expect more from you, with the fact you’re a certified doctor, right?”

Bones rolled his eyes at Samarah’s teasing, already used to it after only a few days. Honestly, she was like the little sister he never wanted.

“And you have a masters in psych,” he countered “so you’re in the same boat. How _did_ you manage that before your turned twenty-four, by the way?”

“Patience, determination,” she listed off, grinning “a whole lot of caffeine and zero social life.”

“Sounds like my residency,” Bones muttered, unable to stop a chuckle “I swear, though, if one more teacher asks if we’re related…”

“I take it as a compliment, especially considering how I never had any siblings growing up,” Samarah shrugged “it doesn’t quite help them that we do somewhat look alike.”

“Which I, frankly, find insulting to you,” he declared as they walked out of the lecture hall “you are _way_ too lovely to have them going and comparing you to me.”

“Ah, is that your famous southern charm?” she teased, bumping him with her shoulder “don’t sell yourself short, Len, you’re a handsome man.”

“Kid, don’t start,” he grumbled, trying to hide his smile “I was starting high school by the time you were born.”

“Awww, don’t be so grumpy, _gaezo_,” Samarah reached up and gave his shoulder a pat “your _inavva_ still thinks you look young.”

Bones bit back a retort at the compliment, not commenting on her calling him her brother. When he’d learned of Samarah’s heritage their first day, and noticed she casually used enochian in conversation-you could tell what she meant in context but still-he’d brushed up on the basics of the language.

“Come on, we said we’d meet Jim for dinner,” he told her “you know, he’d been really depressed this morning, but it looked like meeting you helped cheer him up.”

“I’m glad,” Samarah brightened up at that “he seems too kind to be as sad as he was.”

As much as he might have wanted to go on about Jim’s faults, Bones couldn’t help agreeing with her. In his heart, James T. Kirk was a good and kind young man.

When they finally left the building, it was easy to spot Jim. He was standing next to one of the stairway walls, leaning against it as he looked through his PADD.

Jim was smart, basically a genius, but he didn’t do that great in a normal classroom setting. It was no surprise he did so well, but not without struggle.

“Hey, Jim!” Samarah called out, smiling and waving to get his attention. When he looked up, Jim noticeably brightened before quickly packing his stuff up and rushing to join them.

~

Yes, he was very happy indeed to see his friends. Two friendly faces in a sea of students who ignored him and teachers who regarded him with unwanted pity or any other sort of emotion.

That was one of the reasons he liked taking Commander Gabriel’s class; the man challenged his students and treated them all the same. If there was anything the older man wanted to say about Jim’s personal or family history, he didn’t say it out loud.

“You guys ready to eat?” Jim asked as soon as he joined both McCoy’s “I’m starving.”

“Same,” Samarah agreed, already picking up the pace “let’s get there before the line fills up!”

“You know they don’t actually run out of food, right?” Bones questioned, both men almost having to put in an effort to keep up with her pace.

“Yeah, I just wanna be able to get a good spot!” She countered, turning and walking backwards to grin at them both “come on, you giants, lengthen your strides! I’m not _that_ hard to keep up with, am I?”

When she turned back around, taking a bit of pity on the guys and slowing down some, both men couldn’t help giving each other amused glances, before bursting into laughter.

“Never been called a giant before.” Jim explained when Samarah gave him a confused look.

“Ah,” she nodded, laughing along with them “well, when you have my diminutive stature, most everyone’s a giant.”

“That’s fair,” Bones agreed, shaking his head and smiling a bit “still wouldn’t want to take you on in a fight, though.”

“Yeah, I had a few questions for you, actually,” Jim spoke up as they made their way into the dining hall and in line “once we sit down, I mean. Just about what you inherited from your angel family.”

“We can talk about that once we’ve found a spot to eat,” she agreed, looking back and smiling as she gave Jim’s arm a pat “I’m more than fine with talking about stuff like that, especially with my newest friend.”

Jim’s smile when she turned back around could have powered a starship docking station with how bright it was. She’d said he was her friend! This was definitely easier than expected.

Bones saw Jim’s smile, and was more amused than anything. Yet still, he was glad to see his friend had managed to make a new, actual friend. Jim wasn’t awkward, really, he was just…not what people seemed to expect.

Once they had their food and a spot to sit in a corner, near the windows, the three of them ate in silence for a bit, before Jim put his food down.

“So, I had just been wondering about what skills and abilities you’d inherited from your dad,” he explained, Samarah nodding along as she listened “maybe starting with why Bones wouldn’t want to take you on in a fight? Whatever your comfortable talking about.”

Samarah could see he was concerned about pushing boundaries, and completely understood; angels were a notoriously private race, with many topics considered taboo to discuss with a non-angel. However, being both half-angel and born on earth, Samarah didn’t share the same reservations; or at least, not as many of them.

“Well, to start with why Leonard wouldn’t want to fight me,” she started, smirking “other than my sheer scrappiness, at least; angels are as strong as, if not stronger in some cases, than Vulcans. I’m not the strongest, by any means, but I’m certainly stronger than the average human male. Perhaps on par with a weaker Vulcan.”

“What about your jacket?” Jim asked, earning Bones’ attention as well at that “Bones said you need those flaps sewn in for your wings?”

“I was born with wings,” she nodded “through I’m told I don’t have the same kind my father does. While wings are something only seen by a mate or family if not being used in situations where flight is necessary, each pair is unique to that angel and what they look like is generally common knowledge. My father, Azrael, has wings that look like a dragon’s wings. Most angels from Eden would use the title _Zaldrīzes Tala_ as an insult, but being called the dragon’s daughter is a point of pride for me.”

“I thought you said yours don’t look like his?” Jim asked.

“And they don’t,” Samarah replied “mine match my hair in color, and they have feathers like a more typical pair of wings. Mine are shaped for flying long distances without relying on the wind.”

“What about those skills you talked about before?” Jim continued “the ones you said were useful in your future psych career?”

“Angels are highly sensitive and empathetic,” she explained “And I got those traits, as well. Being able to practically sense emotion, and be sensitive to it’s changes, helps in terms of helping others through their own issues and problems.”

Another ability she wasn’t sure whether or not she inherited was that of forging a mental connection with someone she had a strong emotional bond with outside of family. If she had this ability, as her uncle did, she hadn’t forged a strong enough bond with anyone by then.

“Wow,” Jim gave her a smile as he sat back “thanks for putting up with my nosiness. Whatever ship you get assigned to, they’ll be seriously lucky to have you.”

Samarah smiled in return, glad that things had gone well.

“It was my pleasure,” she insisted “besides, I know Leonard wanted to ask some of those questions, too.”

The scoff from their older friend had both Samarah and Jim laughing, before conversation turned to campus life as the three enjoyed their meal.

“Honestly, it’s not all that surprising no guy has asked me out since I got here,” she declared, shrugging as she cleared her plate “probably scared of what my uncle would do to them if things ended badly, or they just think I’m not pretty enough.”

“Well, it has to be the first one,” Jim asserted.

“Yeah, because that second reason is a damn lie,” Bones agreed as the three of them got up and went to put their plates away “you are _not_ ugly, especially not by human standards.”

“But I’m still not most men’s type,” Samarah countered “most men don’t want someone half their size with twice their strength.”

“Cowards.” Jim and Bones simultaneously declared, causing Samarah to laugh.

“Good to know my friends appreciate my ‘tiny and mighty’ self,” she teased as they left the dining hall “well, I’ve got work to do. Leonard, you can give Jim my number, since you’ve got it already?”

“Sure,” he nodded, leaning down to let her hug him “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Jim,” she turned to the younger man, smiling “it was great to meet you, and I look forward to seeing you tomorrow.”

“Same here,” Jim replied, smiling as he leaned down to give her a tight hug “thanks for everything, especially for earlier.”

“Don’t hesitate to call me if you need to talk,” Samarah muttered into his ear “over COMM or in person, I don’t care. You’re my friend now, and I’m always there for my friends.”

“I’ll remember that,” he promised as he reluctantly pulled back “go on, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Samarah waved as she headed off for the library, Jim and Bones watching her go before heading to their dorm.

“Anyone breaks her heart, and I’m breaking their bones.” Leonard declared, still miffed over her comments about how no one seemed to pay attention to her.

“I’ll hold them down for you.” Jim agreed, ignoring the knot in his gut. He was just feeling upset at the thought of Samarah being upset. That had to be it. She was his friend, and there was no way in hell he was jeopardizing that. At all.

He hoped that he’d be able to call her one of his best friends, one day. They certainly had the potential to grow that close.

Anyone hurt her, they’d have him to answer to.


	3. Northern Star Guiding You Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Samarah learns about a dark shadow in Jim's past, and how it's still keeping him from fully enjoying the sun to this day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: as mentioned in the tags, Jim has PTSD thanks to Tarsus IV. In this chapter, he has a panic attack and flashback. As someone who doesn't have PTSD, I tried my best to be accurate, but did not go into detail as I didn't feel I could do so accurately.

In the months since he’d met her, Jim could honestly say he’d grown to consider Samarah one of his best friends. Every moment they could, they spent time together; shared classes, meal time, and what little free time they both had.

Strangely, though not negatively, Jim found Commander Gabriel treated him a bit differently. The archangel was more friendly, stopped and talked with Jim more often. He figured it had to mainly do with Samarah and him becoming friends, and decided to ask the teacher one day.

“You bet your ass it is,” Gabriel replied, Jim finally asking the question that had been on his mind for weeks “but I know you, kid. You’re a good man, I don’t care what people think or want to say.”

Jim didn’t need to ask what his instructor meant. The day had been drawing closer for weeks, as it did every year; the only day, other than his birthday, that he just didn’t want to think about. People just kept _staring_ at him.

“Hey, kid,” Gabriel speaking broke Jim out of his daze “we’re gonna be talking about it, day of. If you’re not here, it won’t count against you.”

“I’ll be fine,” so he couldn’t even escape it in his tactics class “but thank you for the offer, sir.”

The look on Commander Gabriel’s face irked Jim. It was the same look Samarah had when she called him out on his bullshit.

“I’m sorry, sir, I have somewhere I need to be.” With that, and a hasty farewell, Jim all but booked it out of the classroom. It hadn’t been a lie; he was supposed to meet Samarah for a study session, but he just…couldn’t…focus.

He knew what was happening. His shaking hands were the first sign. God, this hadn’t happened in ages. Why now, of all times?

He was safe, he knew that. In his subconscious, he knew he was safe.

Yet it hadn’t even been ten years. Not yet. Nine years since then.

Phaser Blasts.

Fear.

Screaming.

So much screaming.

Running. Hiding. Was he running? He had no idea anymore.

“Jim?”

Was that Samarah? He couldn’t tell if it was her or not.

Sounded like her.

What was she doing on Tarsus IV?

Was it even her? Couldn’t be.

She didn’t belong here.

“Hey, Nova, it’s me; Samarah. Can you hear me?”

Nova.

Only Samarah called him that. A nickname referring to his eyes, which she’d called supernova blue.

Eyes.

Wide eyes, scared eyes. Violet eyes.

Violet. Silver. Silver-blonde.

Samarah.

He could see her, now. See her uniform. He looked down and saw his clothes were the same. Cadet uniforms.

“That’s right, tell me what you see,” Samarah encouraged, eyes never breaking contact with his “keep going.”

Was he talking? He must have been.

Looking around, he saw he was in one of the group-study rooms in the library. There weren’t any windows, except for the door, and he could see Bones on the other side.

Bones. He’d forgotten his roommate was joining them to study.

Study. Samarah. Jim turned to look at her again. He saw her breathing pattern. Had to match it. It had helped in the past, grounding himself by matching his breathing with another person.

“How did I…”

~

When Jim had come into the study room, Samarah and Leonard could immediately see something was wrong. He’d all but ran inside, eyes wide and erratic. Immediately jumping into action, both of them made sure he was sitting, before Leonard went to stand at the door to keep others from looking in.

Both were trained in mental illness identification, though Samarah far more in-depth. They knew the signs of a PTSD flashback when they saw them.

Samarah didn’t touch him, but when she first started speaking-to see if he’d respond-Jim had grabbed her arm and refused to let it out of his vice-grip.

Thanking all her stars for her high pain tolerance, and counting his actions as a response to her talking, she tried again. Whatever it was he was remembering; her nickname was new enough that she hoped he’d be able to use it to start grounding himself.

Slowly, he seemed to return to the present, using almost textbook techniques to help ground himself further.

Her heart broke at the thought. If it was second nature to use those, then he’d been dealing with flashbacks, anxiety, and PTSD for a long time.

What had her best friend _seen_?

“You walked in here yourself,” she replied to his unfinished question “Leonard’s been on guard the whole time, so no one’s looked in since you got here.”

Jim looked like he wanted to ask another question, when he looked down and saw his hand in a white-knuckle hold around her forearm. Quickly, he let her go, flexing his stiff fingers.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered “I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s okay,” Samarah reassured him, smiling kindly “yeah, it hurt some, but physical pain fades. Besides, it let me know you could hear me, which helped me try to help you.”

She didn’t know if her reassurances helped, but she figured him knowing it helped wouldn’t hurt. She could see it did somewhat ease the tension in his shoulders, but there was still so much weighing them down.

“Looking better already, kid,” Leonard declared, having quietly walked in “but I think studying isn’t a good idea right now.”

“He’s right,” Samarah agreed “you wouldn’t run on a broken leg if you didn’t have to, would you?”

She could see Jim’s desire to argue fighting with his physical fatigue.

“We can still hang out and talk, if you want,” she promised “but you need to rest for a while.”

Samarah and Leonard were not to be argued with when things were serious, and she knew Jim knew that. He just sighed and nodded, getting up and settling in at the table.

Knowing that they at least needed to look like they were studying so they could stay in the room, Samarah and Leonard joined him. When Samarah opened her PADD, she saw a message from her uncle, asking if she knew if Jim was okay and reminding her about their weekend plans.

That’s when she got a somewhat crazy idea. First, though, she needed to confirm something.

“Hey, Jim, are you doing anything for leave this month?” she asked, earning some confused glances from both of the men.

While there were no classes on weekends, and cadets weren’t discouraged from taking personal time, leave was the one time a month where they were actively encouraged to get off campus and enjoy themselves. It was all in an effort by high command to help cadets learn to balance work and personal time for better mental health and productivity. It started after last class on Friday, and went through Saturday night.

“I didn’t have anything planned,” Jim replied, one eyebrow raised as he watched her type something out on her PADD “why?”

“Well, now you do,” she declared, smiling in satisfaction “I’ve got a surprise planned, and I’d be really happy if you agreed to go.”

Normally, Jim would be exhausted-and short tempered because of it-after a flashback, and this was no exception. However, he knew Samarah, and her professional skills. She wouldn’t be making plans if she didn’t think they would help.

“Yeah, okay,” he nodded “I’ll go.”

“Great,” her smile was a bit relieved, and mostly happy “I’ll pick you up from your room about an hour after classes end tomorrow. Oh, and make sure you don’t eat dinner.”

“Sounds like someone’s got a date,” Leonard teased, causing Samarah to blush bright red and Jim to laugh.

“Better be prepared to shell out the big bucks, Sammy,” Jim joined in on the teasing, giving his best friend a wink “I’m not a cheap date.”

Face almost cherry red, Samarah hid her head in her arms on the table.

“You guys are the wo-ooooorst.” She whined, unable to hide the small laugh in her voice.

“But you looove us.” Jim teased in a sing-song tone as he watched Samarah’s smiling face appear, chin propped up on her hands.

“God help me, I really do.” She countered, eyes shining in sincerity and happiness.


End file.
